Author: Eugene Perez (page 1 of 4)

7 Instances When Your Family Needs Counseling The Most

 

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How would you describe your family in one word?

If you utter ‘compassionate’ in a heartbeat, that entails that you are one lucky human being. You most likely grew up in a love nest instead of a house and with parents who support your ideas all the way.

In case you have a protective family, then there’s still nothing wrong with that. Once you get bullied, for instance, you don’t even need to ask them to back you up. Your problem is their problem, so they will remain by your side and perhaps fight your own battles if you let them.

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False Beliefs About Family Therapy

 

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Arguments and misunderstandings typically occur within the family, regardless of how picture-perfect your relationship seems to the outside world. There’s a likelihood that you’ll develop different opinions about the same topic, and that will make you lock horns from time to time. But that’s not precisely worrying as long as you remember that nothing should come in between you and your loved ones, right?

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How To Maintain A Happy Relationship

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Relationship happiness looks different for all people. What works for you and your partner may not work for someone else. If your idea of happiness is sitting home on a rainy Saturday watching Netflix shows and drinking copious amounts of coffee with your partner, then do that. If you want to travel, go to a sporting event or start a creative project together — that is fine, too.

Here are some ways to maintain a happy relationship that will ensure longevity and strengthen your overall bond with your partner:

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Ways To Enhance Your Work Relationship If You Have Lupus 

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Once a physician confirms that you have lupus, your confidence level may take a dip. The standard questions that flood the mind are typically negative, e.g., “What can’t I do now?” or “What if my boss fires me because of it?” Hence, it’s not beyond belief if these thoughts encourage you to start being elusive at work and only speak with colleagues if need be.

Sarah Gluck, PhD, LCSW, wrote, “According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, “historically, society has tended to isolate and segregate individuals with disabilities, and, despite some improvements, such forms of discrimination against individuals with disabilities continue to be a serious and pervasive social problem.” There are laws in place to protect those individuals, to ensure that they will not lose opportunities based on factors outside of their control, factors that do not interfere with their ability to excel at the tasks for which they are hired. “

Remember that giving in to pessimistic ideas is like giving up on everything and everyone you love. It may not feel superb to announce in the office one day that you have an incurable disease, but that’s how you begin rebuilding your camaraderie with the people there. 

After that big reveal, then you are ready to know the right ways to enhance your work relationship further. 

  1. Handle One Project At A Time

The #1 factor that may lower your likeability on the job is your inability to complete your assignments on or before their deadlines. There’s an off-chance that you’ll need to halt the project, especially when you’re overly stressed due to multitasking and the illness is active. So to prevent begging your bosses each time for an extension, ask them to only give you a single task after the other. 

 

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  1. List Down YourDaily Agenda 

Lupus is a chronic illness that can shorten your memory and alter your general brain function. It will be shameful, however, to say to your colleagues that you forgot to create a presentation or attend a meeting because of the disease. That may even result in them doubting the validity of your claims, especially when it happens often.  

A simple fix to your poor recollection is jotting down everything you should be doing that day. Be as detailed as you have to be; color-code the tasks too if that makes them easier to remember. In this manner, you can manage one side effect of the illness, and your relationship with your workmates won’t suffer.  

  1. Take A Break

 

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Another thing you should never skip is to break time. When you are trying to meet a goal, you might tell yourself, “Nah, I’ll rest after my working hours.” But that is regularly a recipe for disaster as the activation of your lupus means you can’t be productive around the office for more or less a day. 

Based on the American with Disabilities Act (ADA), you are allowed to request for a comfortable area at work since the law considers lupus as a disability. It is incredible if your company can provide that because you’ll then be able to resume your tasks and stay out of your office buddies’ way. 

“The ADA requires employers to provide reasonable accommodations to employees with disabilities,” wrote Patrick Corrigan, PsyD. “Reasonable accommodations are modifications in setting and operations in which work gets done so people with disabilities can complete their jobs competently.”

Having a great relationship with your colleagues isn’t impossible, primarily if you talk to them about it immediately. There may be folks who’ll either pity you or worry that you won’t be as effective at your position as before, but you can always set them straight through your sound outputs.  

“Securing a workplace where everyone feels included requires that majority members too are reassured of their continued value for their contribution, and are respected for being who they are,”  wrote Naomi Ellemers, PhD.

Hopefully, things are going to work out well for you in the office now. Cheers! 

What To Do When Burnout Draws Near

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More than one professional in various fields has one day of simply not coming to work, disappeared while on a business trip or screamed out his resignation letter to his colleagues. This is common enough to have its own name and is something everyone in a job involving high, persistent levels of stress is at risk of.

Long hours, high expectations and the occasional crisis will sap the emotional reserves of anyone sooner or later, especially when breaks from the strain are few and far between. The good news is that it is quite possible to bounce back from the early stages of burnout, which relies on a person realizing what warning signs should be looked out for.

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Simple Ways How You Can Support Your Spouse’s Career 

When two people come together and plan to spend the rest of their lives happily ever after, the question that is being posed is “How does a good marriage work?” However, as time pass by, and they grow individually, the question becomes the opposite, which is “How can this marriage positively affect his or her work?”  

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Simple Ways How You Can Support Your Spouse’s Career

When two people come together and plan to spend the rest of their lives happily ever after, the question that is being posed is “How does a good marriage work?” However, as time pass by, and they grow individually, the question becomes the opposite, which is “How can this marriage positively affect his or her work?”

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This is an entirely normal question and becomes very important in the long run. Being married to someone is like having a lifelong partner. You need to give your full support, care, understanding, love, and patience, so your spouse can achieve his or her ultimate potential.

One’s career is hugely aspirational and digs deep into a person’s self-actualization goals, the highest in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Here are simple ways to support your spouse’s career and make sure he or she aces at work:

1. Be Flexible And Understand Both Your Work Schedules

Being in different industries and fields, you and your spouse may not always have the same office hours. In a problematic scenario, your partner may be on a night shift, while you work the day job. Those are some crazy hours. Extend your patience and make sure you don’t get fired up on your spouse for dozing off when you feel like having a movie marathon, or when your spouse decides to go on a dinner date at a much later hour.

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2. Listen To The Rants And The Stories

It happens. Work will, one way or another, haunt a person even at home. If your partner has something to say about his or her day, listen. If there is an annoying story about how their boss powertrips them or gives them a ton load of work, listen. If there is anything good and uplifting about his or her new project, listen. The key is simply to listen and be there for your spouse. It’s a little thing, but it means a lot.

3. Acknowledge The Milestones

Is your spouse celebrating five years at work? Or perhaps your partner has been promoted to General Manager after two years? These are milestones that you shouldn’t miss, and you should definitely celebrate! These milestones won’t just affect a positive work attitude and performance; it will also help your spouse appreciate you more, as you take note of his or her progress. What do you know? Maybe you’ll get your quality time together after celebrating the promotion!

4. Contribute Ideas

Just because you’re not working together doesn’t mean you can’t strategize together. Try to be vigilant and see if your partner has trouble focusing and coming up with specific ideas for his or her work. You can share your thoughts and contribute some ideas that can help.

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5. Be The Reward

Tap on the shoulder is as good as saying “GOOD JOB!” But a warm hug, and a consoling kiss after a long, and tiring day, is something else. Supporting your spouse’s career doesn’t mean you give him or her space and make no room for both of you. Time spent together will still be the greatest reward and a much-awaited break from work.

Keeping these simple ways in mind can help you, and your spouse avoids unnecessary fights and dimming passion and intimacy. Remember that being in a relationship is also reciprocity. If you support your spouse with his or her career, for sure, you will be supported as well.

Communication:  Making Teens Talk And Listen

Talking to teenagers nowadays is difficult and more laborious more than ever. Parents find it challenging to build a good communication effectively with them.   One factor where relationship constraints occur between parents and their children is the problem of talking and trying to understand both parties. To understand teenagers’ feelings and thoughts, parents can employ different techniques. Here are examples of ways on how to encourage teens to express themselves and to practice active listening.  

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What Does It Mean To Become A Responsible Son Or Daughter?

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I am what people say as someone who has been raised as an independent child. At the age of 3, my mom already taught me how to dress up on my own and fix my bed in the morning. When I turned 5, I could babysit my little brother and prepare his milk formula. When I started going to elementary school, my dad would merely drop me off and pick me up at the bus stop.

“With regard to developing responsibility, many parents mistakenly assume their task is to coerce the child to do the deed until it is complete. This process does not generate responsibility; it produces resentment and dependence in being made to do something,” wrote Larry F. Waldman, PhD, ABPP.

In the eyes of practically every adult I know, I was a responsible offspring. I could take care of myself and even kids who are younger than me. I didn’t play outside, especially if my mother told me not to do so. I knew where to put all my toys back after playing with them. At the same time, however, I would hear them say, “I wish my child could carry such traits even when he becomes an adult.”

Indeed, now that I am a grown-up, I get that being a responsible offspring means more than knowing how to look after oneself or listening to parents. It also entails:

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Studying Hard For The Future

I believe it when someone says that life is not all about studying. You have to chill and try fun activities once in a while. Despite that, I have also realized the importance of studying hard to secure a fantastic future. Not every parent talks about it openly, but they feel a sense of pride whenever they see their child taking their education seriously. After all, it is one of the few gifts that cannot be taken away by anyone.

Not Giving Permanent Headache To Parents

A responsible son or daughter knows better than to do something that will give their mom and dad permanent headache as well. E.g., going to jail due to a crime, using drugs and refusing to quit, staying in a constant state of unemployment, etc.

Thinking About Loved Ones Before Making Huge Decisions

Only an irresponsible offspring will jump to rash decisions, such as leaving a job without looking for a new one or dropping out of school without any concrete plan for the future. They say it will make them happy, but they don’t think about how it will affect their parents. If you want to show your maturity, you should not do such things.

Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, wrote, “As they consider these moral dilemmas, they reach deep within themselves and think about their values. Through reflection, talking with others, and linking their values to the issues that impact them, young people experience a shift in perspective.”

Understanding Bad Habits And Changing It

Responsible kids do not have to be told twice or a hundred times about their negative behaviors. They do not get upset either if their mom and dad tell them that what they are doing is wrong. Instead, they try to see the situation in the parents’ perspective. Upon realizing their fault, they are not afraid to apologize for their actions and correct them.

According to Rachelle Mand, PhD, MFT, “A child, who is accountable for his actions, generally turns out to be a responsible adult. Learning to take responsibility for our actions is the very definition of becoming an adult.”

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Giving Back To Parents Even If They Insist That You Shouldn’t

It is typical for parents to stop their son or daughter from spending on them. They say, “Keep your money – we didn’t support you all these years so that you can feed us.” While you should respect their decision not to make you pay for their bills, you should insist on giving them a bit of luxury. For instance, you can take them to their dream destination or treat them to excellent meals every week.

Final Thoughts

Being responsible is one of the many ways to tell your mom and dad, “Thank you for raising me this way.” And even if you did not grow up close to your parents, it is never too late to alter your behavior and shower them with love and goodness.

 

Ways To Deal With A Parasitic Sibling

I have two younger sisters, and I love them to death. From the moment I got my first paycheck, I have made it my duty to give them everything they need. You can say that it is my way of giving back to my parents, who have supported me all through college.

During my first job, my middle sister, Anne, was still doing her internship in the hospitality sector. When you are in that industry, you always have to look good, so I would buy her clothes, shoes, makeup, etc. Even though I knew that my mom and dad gave her monetary allowance every week, I would transfer a couple of hundred dollars in her bank account. That way, she would have more than enough money to buy her needs.

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Before Anne graduated, we had a heart-to-heart talk. She told me how much she idolizes me for being a responsible big sister and daughter. She said that her goal was to follow my footsteps and do what I did for her to our youngest sister, who was still in high school at the time. Of course, the idea made me happy and looked forward to the day she could genuinely do that.

The problem is, in three years since she has entered the workforce, she has changed jobs thrice as well. Her complaint about the first workplace was that the pay was low. We were like, “Okay, that’s understandable. Look for another job.” I supported her financially while looking for a second employer. After finding one, though, she left it after another year, saying that it was too exhausting for her. We tolerated her again. Once more, I gave her money to apply for another job because she didn’t get to save her salary.

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It only hit me that my family and I are enabling my parasitic middle sister when she’s talking about leaving her third job to become a flight attendant. There won’t be any issue with that if it’s an upgrade from her previous one. However, the offered salary was only a third of what she gets from her current position. Worse, she has no money to sustain her needs while training as a flight attendant because she blew all her salary for clothes, shoes, and whatnot. It’s aggravating!

In this case, let me tell you how I dealt with her.

Brutal Honesty Is Key

The hard truth is that my parents have been complaining about my sister’s behavior already. With every job change, after all, they have to help her move all her cabinets, too. I told Anne that she’s being a pain in the you-know-what instead of assisting the family.

I also mentioned that she is becoming a financial burden, and that is not okay. Our obligation to support her financially should be over from the moment she graduated from college. Even if she knows we have money to spare, it doesn’t give her the right to let us worry about that.

I explained to my parents how wrong it is to enable a full-grown adult even further. It pained me to tell my sister these words, but I had to for everyone’s sake: “If you quit your current job, you cannot expect us to help you out again to get your next one.”

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How Did It Turn Out?

My parasitic sister was not happy at first, of course. She’s used to getting what she wants, and all of a sudden, we’re putting our feet down. Despite that, it woke her up from her dream that she could act like someone fresh out of college every time she wants a new job. Now, before making any decision, she thinks a hundred times before doing it. There was a bit of yelling and crying in the beginning, but it turned out to be a win-win situation for all.

You are most welcome to follow my lead if your sibling starts acting like a parasite as well.

 

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