Category: Family & Relationships (page 1 of 2)

How To Maintain A Happy Relationship

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Relationship happiness looks different for all people. What works for you and your partner may not work for someone else. If your idea of happiness is sitting home on a rainy Saturday watching Netflix shows and drinking copious amounts of coffee with your partner, then do that. If you want to travel, go to a sporting event or start a creative project together — that is fine, too.

Here are some ways to maintain a happy relationship that will ensure longevity and strengthen your overall bond with your partner:

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Ways To Enhance Your Work Relationship If You Have Lupus 

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Once a physician confirms that you have lupus, your confidence level may take a dip. The standard questions that flood the mind are typically negative, e.g., “What can’t I do now?” or “What if my boss fires me because of it?” Hence, it’s not beyond belief if these thoughts encourage you to start being elusive at work and only speak with colleagues if need be.

Sarah Gluck, PhD, LCSW, wrote, “According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, “historically, society has tended to isolate and segregate individuals with disabilities, and, despite some improvements, such forms of discrimination against individuals with disabilities continue to be a serious and pervasive social problem.” There are laws in place to protect those individuals, to ensure that they will not lose opportunities based on factors outside of their control, factors that do not interfere with their ability to excel at the tasks for which they are hired. “

Remember that giving in to pessimistic ideas is like giving up on everything and everyone you love. It may not feel superb to announce in the office one day that you have an incurable disease, but that’s how you begin rebuilding your camaraderie with the people there. 

After that big reveal, then you are ready to know the right ways to enhance your work relationship further. 

  1. Handle One Project At A Time

The #1 factor that may lower your likeability on the job is your inability to complete your assignments on or before their deadlines. There’s an off-chance that you’ll need to halt the project, especially when you’re overly stressed due to multitasking and the illness is active. So to prevent begging your bosses each time for an extension, ask them to only give you a single task after the other. 

 

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  1. List Down YourDaily Agenda 

Lupus is a chronic illness that can shorten your memory and alter your general brain function. It will be shameful, however, to say to your colleagues that you forgot to create a presentation or attend a meeting because of the disease. That may even result in them doubting the validity of your claims, especially when it happens often.  

A simple fix to your poor recollection is jotting down everything you should be doing that day. Be as detailed as you have to be; color-code the tasks too if that makes them easier to remember. In this manner, you can manage one side effect of the illness, and your relationship with your workmates won’t suffer.  

  1. Take A Break

 

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Another thing you should never skip is to break time. When you are trying to meet a goal, you might tell yourself, “Nah, I’ll rest after my working hours.” But that is regularly a recipe for disaster as the activation of your lupus means you can’t be productive around the office for more or less a day. 

Based on the American with Disabilities Act (ADA), you are allowed to request for a comfortable area at work since the law considers lupus as a disability. It is incredible if your company can provide that because you’ll then be able to resume your tasks and stay out of your office buddies’ way. 

“The ADA requires employers to provide reasonable accommodations to employees with disabilities,” wrote Patrick Corrigan, PsyD. “Reasonable accommodations are modifications in setting and operations in which work gets done so people with disabilities can complete their jobs competently.”

Having a great relationship with your colleagues isn’t impossible, primarily if you talk to them about it immediately. There may be folks who’ll either pity you or worry that you won’t be as effective at your position as before, but you can always set them straight through your sound outputs.  

“Securing a workplace where everyone feels included requires that majority members too are reassured of their continued value for their contribution, and are respected for being who they are,”  wrote Naomi Ellemers, PhD.

Hopefully, things are going to work out well for you in the office now. Cheers! 

Simple Ways How You Can Support Your Spouse’s Career 

When two people come together and plan to spend the rest of their lives happily ever after, the question that is being posed is “How does a good marriage work?” However, as time pass by, and they grow individually, the question becomes the opposite, which is “How can this marriage positively affect his or her work?”  

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What Does It Mean To Become A Responsible Son Or Daughter?

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I am what people say as someone who has been raised as an independent child. At the age of 3, my mom already taught me how to dress up on my own and fix my bed in the morning. When I turned 5, I could babysit my little brother and prepare his milk formula. When I started going to elementary school, my dad would merely drop me off and pick me up at the bus stop.

“With regard to developing responsibility, many parents mistakenly assume their task is to coerce the child to do the deed until it is complete. This process does not generate responsibility; it produces resentment and dependence in being made to do something,” wrote Larry F. Waldman, PhD, ABPP.

In the eyes of practically every adult I know, I was a responsible offspring. I could take care of myself and even kids who are younger than me. I didn’t play outside, especially if my mother told me not to do so. I knew where to put all my toys back after playing with them. At the same time, however, I would hear them say, “I wish my child could carry such traits even when he becomes an adult.”

Indeed, now that I am a grown-up, I get that being a responsible offspring means more than knowing how to look after oneself or listening to parents. It also entails:

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Studying Hard For The Future

I believe it when someone says that life is not all about studying. You have to chill and try fun activities once in a while. Despite that, I have also realized the importance of studying hard to secure a fantastic future. Not every parent talks about it openly, but they feel a sense of pride whenever they see their child taking their education seriously. After all, it is one of the few gifts that cannot be taken away by anyone.

Not Giving Permanent Headache To Parents

A responsible son or daughter knows better than to do something that will give their mom and dad permanent headache as well. E.g., going to jail due to a crime, using drugs and refusing to quit, staying in a constant state of unemployment, etc.

Thinking About Loved Ones Before Making Huge Decisions

Only an irresponsible offspring will jump to rash decisions, such as leaving a job without looking for a new one or dropping out of school without any concrete plan for the future. They say it will make them happy, but they don’t think about how it will affect their parents. If you want to show your maturity, you should not do such things.

Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, wrote, “As they consider these moral dilemmas, they reach deep within themselves and think about their values. Through reflection, talking with others, and linking their values to the issues that impact them, young people experience a shift in perspective.”

Understanding Bad Habits And Changing It

Responsible kids do not have to be told twice or a hundred times about their negative behaviors. They do not get upset either if their mom and dad tell them that what they are doing is wrong. Instead, they try to see the situation in the parents’ perspective. Upon realizing their fault, they are not afraid to apologize for their actions and correct them.

According to Rachelle Mand, PhD, MFT, “A child, who is accountable for his actions, generally turns out to be a responsible adult. Learning to take responsibility for our actions is the very definition of becoming an adult.”

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Giving Back To Parents Even If They Insist That You Shouldn’t

It is typical for parents to stop their son or daughter from spending on them. They say, “Keep your money – we didn’t support you all these years so that you can feed us.” While you should respect their decision not to make you pay for their bills, you should insist on giving them a bit of luxury. For instance, you can take them to their dream destination or treat them to excellent meals every week.

Final Thoughts

Being responsible is one of the many ways to tell your mom and dad, “Thank you for raising me this way.” And even if you did not grow up close to your parents, it is never too late to alter your behavior and shower them with love and goodness.

 

Ways To Deal With A Parasitic Sibling

I have two younger sisters, and I love them to death. From the moment I got my first paycheck, I have made it my duty to give them everything they need. You can say that it is my way of giving back to my parents, who have supported me all through college.

During my first job, my middle sister, Anne, was still doing her internship in the hospitality sector. When you are in that industry, you always have to look good, so I would buy her clothes, shoes, makeup, etc. Even though I knew that my mom and dad gave her monetary allowance every week, I would transfer a couple of hundred dollars in her bank account. That way, she would have more than enough money to buy her needs.

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Before Anne graduated, we had a heart-to-heart talk. She told me how much she idolizes me for being a responsible big sister and daughter. She said that her goal was to follow my footsteps and do what I did for her to our youngest sister, who was still in high school at the time. Of course, the idea made me happy and looked forward to the day she could genuinely do that.

The problem is, in three years since she has entered the workforce, she has changed jobs thrice as well. Her complaint about the first workplace was that the pay was low. We were like, “Okay, that’s understandable. Look for another job.” I supported her financially while looking for a second employer. After finding one, though, she left it after another year, saying that it was too exhausting for her. We tolerated her again. Once more, I gave her money to apply for another job because she didn’t get to save her salary.

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It only hit me that my family and I are enabling my parasitic middle sister when she’s talking about leaving her third job to become a flight attendant. There won’t be any issue with that if it’s an upgrade from her previous one. However, the offered salary was only a third of what she gets from her current position. Worse, she has no money to sustain her needs while training as a flight attendant because she blew all her salary for clothes, shoes, and whatnot. It’s aggravating!

In this case, let me tell you how I dealt with her.

Brutal Honesty Is Key

The hard truth is that my parents have been complaining about my sister’s behavior already. With every job change, after all, they have to help her move all her cabinets, too. I told Anne that she’s being a pain in the you-know-what instead of assisting the family.

I also mentioned that she is becoming a financial burden, and that is not okay. Our obligation to support her financially should be over from the moment she graduated from college. Even if she knows we have money to spare, it doesn’t give her the right to let us worry about that.

I explained to my parents how wrong it is to enable a full-grown adult even further. It pained me to tell my sister these words, but I had to for everyone’s sake: “If you quit your current job, you cannot expect us to help you out again to get your next one.”

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How Did It Turn Out?

My parasitic sister was not happy at first, of course. She’s used to getting what she wants, and all of a sudden, we’re putting our feet down. Despite that, it woke her up from her dream that she could act like someone fresh out of college every time she wants a new job. Now, before making any decision, she thinks a hundred times before doing it. There was a bit of yelling and crying in the beginning, but it turned out to be a win-win situation for all.

You are most welcome to follow my lead if your sibling starts acting like a parasite as well.

 

How To Avoid Becoming The Black Sheep In The Family

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Coming from a family that is full of successful individuals in their respective fields has its ups and downs. As you build your career, these people can serve as your inspiration as well, for one. In case you require a tutor for a specific course, you can ask a relative to do it for you. It is also significant that if you ever need a doctor, lawyer, or financial adviser, you don’t have to call someone else. If it is a close cousin or a sibling or a parent, you probably even have them on speed dial.

The downside of having high achievers as family members, however, is that failing is practically not an option. You can make mistakes along the way, sure, but you need to come back better and stronger from that. Otherwise, you will tarnish your family’s fantastic reputation in society, and everyone will brand you as the “black sheep.”

“Anyone can be the black sheep for just about any reason,” explained Jerry Hellison, PhD. “The black sheep is simply the person who deviates from the family rules.”

Now, if you think that you are close to being named as such in your family, here’s what you can do to avoid it.

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Know Your Real Passion

“You are not required to be like your parents or siblings,” said Jennifer Delgado, PhD.

The first thing that you should do is to figure out where your heart lies. Is it photography? Do you like teaching children? Do you want to be a pediatric surgeon?

There is no wrong answer at this point; you are free to be passionate about anything. What’s not ideal is wasting your time on trials and errors, even though you know deep down that that is not something you want to do.

Stick To Your Passion

It seems typical for family members to offer suggestions about what you should do when you grow up. Your parents might say, “You should get a Business degree so that you can take over our company in the future.” Your favorite aunt might say, “Oh, that’s nonsense. You should become a dermatologist like me!”

“Be proud of your differences. Focus on the ways you are stronger today because of what you have been through,” wrote Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, PhD. “Try to reframe your marginalization as positive even while acknowledging that it is painful.”

I kid you not if you enter the business or medical field only because your loved ones told you so, you won’t be happy. You will be no different from the other millennials who wait tables to make ends meet, even if they dream of walking on the runway or becoming a pilot. You need to stick to your passion as that will allow you to excel in your craft and feel proud about it.

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Don’t Obligate Your Family To Clean Up Your Mess

As mentioned above, making mistakes is a part of life. Perhaps the elders in your family have had their fair share of errors in the past, too. They will not disown you if you slip up a few times or want to change your career. The only time it can happen is if you hide your mistakes to them and then obligate them to iron out your problems.

Final Thoughts

Ideally, your loved ones have worked so hard to give you privileges that others cannot have. You should not waste this opportunity by being indecisive and becoming the black sheep in the family.

The Cycle Of Violence In Domestic Abuse

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There is a cycle of violence in domestic abuse situations:

Cycle Of Violence

Abuse – Your partner will hurt you with every little action that you make to dominate you.

Guilt – The abusive partner will feel guilty not with what they’ve done but at the thought of facing the consequences of his actions.

Excuses – He (or even she) will try to excuse what he (or she) did to avoid responsibility.

“Normal” Behavior – The person, will try to act normal or sweet again to prevent you from leaving with the hope of change.

Fantasy and Planning – The abusive partner will think of how to hurt you again by manipulating you and going back to what you supposedly did wrong.

Set-up – Your partner will set you up so that he can justify the abuse.

According to Colleen Russell, LMFT, CGP, “Abusers often alternate kindness with abuse.  They can be masterful con artists, sweeping you off your feet when you first meet them.  For a period of time, you might feel entranced, but behaviors soon appear that you question.”

Abusers will spout excuses and sweet words in between this to make you stay and believe that they still love you. Do not be fooled by this. These type of people are self-centered and controlling. They only serve themselves and will reel you in as much as they can because they want to damage you for their pleasure. Resist the belief that they love you because THEY DON’T.

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Accepting Death As A Fact Of Life

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Preparing for death means different things to all of us. Some people use their last days as a time to rebuild those bridges they burned in the past by making peace with those they have hurt or angered. Others choose to live out their final time by doing things they always wanted to do or seeing things they always wanted to see. Of course, if you are bedridden and unable to travel, this may be an obstacle to overcome if possible. Many people want their family with them every step of the way and others do not want their family to see them that way. Those who are religious either turn toward their religion for strength or away from it because they blame God for their death.

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The Benefits of Having a Horse as a Comfort Pet

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By now, you’ve heard of comfort dogs. They are allowed in stores, planes, and anywhere else with their owner on the premise that they are there for emotional support. Other comfort pets include cats, birds, and other rather “portable” animals. However, the list doesn’t have to end there.

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Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

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The idea of marrying and spending a lifetime with the person you love the most is so pure and welcome. You’ll have a stable source of energy whenever you feel exhausted; he’ll stay beside you even if you hit rock bottom, and vice versa. Despite that, it won’t be wise to say ‘I do’ immediately based on that.

“They say that communication is the number one problem in relationships that don’t work. This is especially true of marriage,” wrote John Grohol, PsyD. He added, “This is perhaps even more important before you get married. How many couples never talked about everything you need to talk about before marriage?”

For your own good, ask yourself these questions before getting married.
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